Seeing as Thanksgiving is coming up, I have spent the majority of my time pondering what I'm thankful for, which overthrew other activities of what I would normally do, which includes eating, sleeping, and utilizing the rest room. And, after weeks of doing absolutely nothing, this is what I have generated for what I am thankful for.
-Edward Cullen, for taking away some of my extremely heavy burden. Too long have I lifted the weight of the good looking world, having to have every single lady. Now I have a partner in good looking-ness. Thank you, Edward Cullen.
-Black socks. Too long has the world suffered with scratchy socks that make children cry. Now I feel like I'm having a massage on my feet, 24/7. I've been wearing these socks for 5 days now, and they still make me feel like my feet are numb. I seriously can't feel a thing. Thank you, black socks.
-The Swine Flu. The funniest sickness since HIV, the swine flu has made us all realize who we are. And we are weak and fragile human beings who fall down at the sight of a pig. Pathetic. But thank you, swine flu, for humbling our wimpy souls.
-Michael Jackson. For being the creepy child molester that we all loved, and then within a single day, turning into one of the most respected pop icons ever. Thanks for giving us something to laugh at, then taking it away so that anytime a joke of him is brought up, the world freaks out at you. Thank you, Michael Jackson.
-Facial hair, for fighting gayness everywhere.
-ZZ Top. Need I say more?
So overall, I'm thankful for a teenage vampire-model, church socks, a deadly illness, a child molester, a natural process of life, and a mediocre band. Thank you.
Michael "Xavier" Youd
PS-Thank you, Chuck Norris.
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